I wanted to say...

A place to speak about life and anything relevant to it. =)

Moderators: Rokazulu, xplosiw, Alice

Post Reply
matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Thu Apr 26, 2018 6:02 am

I wanted to say I am sorry. Deleting my old posts felt like release. I know they were of varying quality. I am a new person in every moment. Yes indeed I can be a talented projectionist, but I shrug my shoulders as the child who falls while learning to walk. I have debated with myself if I was ready to return, if I had grown enough. My frequency can vary a bit. I have already changed notes many times in this post.

I am human.
I am also a child of God and a part of All That Is.
Part of me still fears to post here, after my over reaction.

I am sorry to just drop off for so long without word.
I am sorry for when I miss the mark (sin) and turn into the drama queen.
I am sorry for making you think I should be banned.
I am sorry I do not know how to act as if there is no such thing as attack.
I am sorry I do not have the perfect response to all posts.
I am sorry to try to change you or tell you that you are wrong.

What you see in me is not me. I should not be affronted, but I might be, and I cannot change when another’s words active the triggers within me. I can try to change those triggers, but have no idea how to stop projecting.

I do not know if these things I am sorry for will ever change.
I am human. I do not see the future. Yes they have the potential to change, but I do not know how.
So I continue my studies not knowing why.

I am sorry to project, but do not know how to stop.

User avatar
jman5000
Posts: 131
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 6:03 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by jman5000 » Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:21 pm

I am sorry you believe you need to have the perfect response to all posts. Just be the unique you.

User avatar
Rokazulu
Posts: 502
Joined: Mon May 23, 2016 7:57 pm
Contact:

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Rokazulu » Sun May 06, 2018 8:15 pm

All good.
Rokazulu and the Mystical Eschaton
(The sharing of experiences)

matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Wed May 09, 2018 4:25 am

jman5000 wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:21 pm
I am sorry you believe you need to have the perfect response to all posts. Just be the unique you.
Being the unique me requires the lowering of defenses. It is not as simple. For when someone take offense when you are being yourself, it hurts more than when you are wearing a mask.

I was triggered while on this forum. I reacted more like a child than an enlightened soul. For I have an inner child. I love my inner child to the best of my ability, but I was not proud of how I was acting on this forum so distanced myself to grow. Yet, this feels unresolved to just abandon the place that triggers.

I feel my defenses go up even when saying sorry to those who where not a part of the trigger. My unique self is sorry that I did not know how to react to the triggers and distanced myself from those who did not deserve it. So I am trying to tie up the loose ends. I want to move beyond the trigger, but am grateful it arose. Many times it has helped me understand what a spiritual teacher was talking about.

My apology above was not written well, and seems somewhat passive aggressive to me. It did not bring closure. So I am trying again to explain better.

I was triggered and this forum was bringing me stress. So I fled. I am not sure I will post here again in the future, because I no longer follow Bashar much. I do check in from time to time to read posts. Yet I have remained silent. Other than emailing Alice a few months ago my apology and that I was not ready to return.

Let’s see if this makes the issue feel resolved.

matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Wed May 09, 2018 4:27 am

Rokazulu wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 8:15 pm
All good.
Thank you!

User avatar
Alice
Posts: 2167
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Alice » Wed May 09, 2018 6:27 am

I've had difficulty with certain members also, notably Mac and wilburn, who seemed to think I was the Devil's spawn.
Constantly trying to get my goat and make me wrong.

They're not posting anymore these days (knock wood). ;)

It never occurred to me that leaving was the solution. Hope you stick around.

OgBashar
Posts: 157
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2018 8:17 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by OgBashar » Fri May 11, 2018 3:51 am

Alice wrote:
Wed May 09, 2018 6:27 am
I've had difficulty with certain members also, notably Mac and wilburn, who seemed to think I was the Devil's spawn.
Constantly trying to get my goat and make me wrong.

They're not posting anymore these days (knock wood). ;)

It never occurred to me that leaving was the solution. Hope you stick around.
Lol, I love that idea, “the devil’s spawn” though there is no such thing in reality. The ‘devil’ that we pretend is within us always ends up invalidating itself. Proof of its own non existence.

Matcha, you exist. You are a part of all that is. You don’t have to apologize, just be who you are and we will learn what we need to know. You are Loved!

matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Sun May 13, 2018 3:10 pm

OgBashar wrote:
Fri May 11, 2018 3:51 am
Alice wrote:
Wed May 09, 2018 6:27 am
I've had difficulty with certain members also, notably Mac and wilburn, who seemed to think I was the Devil's spawn.
Constantly trying to get my goat and make me wrong.

They're not posting anymore these days (knock wood). ;)

It never occurred to me that leaving was the solution. Hope you stick around.
Lol, I love that idea, “the devil’s spawn” though there is no such thing in reality. The ‘devil’ that we pretend is within us always ends up invalidating itself. Proof of its own non existence.

Matcha, you exist. You are a part of all that is. You don’t have to apologize, just be who you are and we will learn what we need to know. You are Loved!
Strangely enough I had a dream last night where I reflected on which side of the story to choose between the truth seeker vs the more mainstream story line of what reality is. The dream recommended that I delete my blog if I follow the mainstream story line because too many skeletons could be found in the closet. I tend to be all over the place in my writing. The last few posts I wrote, I either didn't publish or converted back to draft after publishing. I think I was drawn to write on forums due to the anonymity. Having attached my blog to my social media in the past, it can easily be linked to my name.

I was also drawn to forum writing due to the feedback, even if I need to work on gracefully receiving constructive criticism. Who was it that compared the current state of the Internet being like the Wild WIld West. While I enjoy the creative freedom of being able to express myself without it reflecting on my social status, I do not enjoy those who take that freedom to get into fast draws.

User avatar
Alice
Posts: 2167
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Alice » Mon May 14, 2018 1:50 am

matcha wrote:
Sun May 13, 2018 3:10 pm

I was also drawn to forum writing due to the feedback, even if I need to work on gracefully receiving constructive criticism. Who was it that compared the current state of the Internet being like the Wild WIld West. While I enjoy the creative freedom of being able to express myself without it reflecting on my social status, I do not enjoy those who take that freedom to get into fast draws.
How can you apply Bashar's teachings here, in particular, that nothing has a built-in meaning?

I had an exchange with a troll at a Seth forum recently. He said, addressing me:
You really think YOU are one up on me? I have studied Seth since the first book...have organized many groups and workshops and gone beyond realms YOU will never reach
I pondered a bit and thought I'd maybe find a Seth quote on competition. I didn't find one that seemed relevant, but I did find this pun. I posted:
"gone beyond realms YOU will never reach"

Cooperation beats competition (pun intended)
He was baiting me, which can be seen as an example of the "fast draw" as you put it. In a sense I took the bait, but I learned something new in the process. "Cooperation beats competition." I'll remember that one.

And he hasn't replied :D

matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Mon May 14, 2018 2:52 am

I totally forgot I was browsing amazon and came across this for only $15! I forgot about it (impulse buy) until it arrived from oversees. Now I have rare Bashar swag! I collect oracle cards in the hopes of giving them to the right person when I am old. I have a vision of owning a study with a bookshelf filled with oracle cards as if they were books. More like a witches study, or a meditation room. It would have rich wood work bookshelves and a big wood desk with crystals and altar pieces.

I am going to have to let the cards absorb my energy and maybe set up a sacred space with tea to use them. I don’t know if my current energy level is such that I will use them today. Just awoke from a long nap and I am not exactly awake yet. My energy was low today, and while browsing the internet waiting to help someone at work something felt worrisome. As if something was wrong, but I had no idea what.
CE91C959-1CE1-44C1-B02F-D8D68FD04C2D.jpeg
CE91C959-1CE1-44C1-B02F-D8D68FD04C2D.jpeg (192.8 KiB) Viewed 979 times

User avatar
Alice
Posts: 2167
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Alice » Mon May 14, 2018 9:40 am

You are, you are generating your experience, and... it is your perception and your definition of it that determines the effect you personally extract... Learn the new habit of taking a moment to pause and not automatically assign a negative meaning to circumstances......you may be of assistance to others who may be caught up in their own definitions, and unable to see a way to break out of the situation...unable to understand that it is their own definitions that have made things seem iron clad, when in fact it is made of nothing but tissue paper definitions.

matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Mon May 14, 2018 9:25 pm

Alice wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:40 am
You are, you are generating your experience, and... it is your perception and your definition of it that determines the effect you personally extract... Learn the new habit of taking a moment to pause and not automatically assign a negative meaning to circumstances......you may be of assistance to others who may be caught up in their own definitions, and unable to see a way to break out of the situation...unable to understand that it is their own definitions that have made things seem iron clad, when in fact it is made of nothing but tissue paper definitions.
The song ‘I saw the sign’ was playing just a minute ago at this restaurant and made me reflect on how many signs I miss. When I was reading Doreen Virtue it said to look for feathers as signs and I rarely found them. Then my nephew who was maybe three would say look at that feather and they were everywhere. I just overlook the signs. I checked the contract cards to see if any cards were missing, but they are all there. Usually they are about $60 used. They arrived on Mothers Day.

User avatar
Alice
Posts: 2167
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Alice » Tue May 15, 2018 3:22 am

matcha wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:25 pm
Alice wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:40 am
You are, you are generating your experience, and... it is your perception and your definition of it that determines the effect you personally extract... Learn the new habit of taking a moment to pause and not automatically assign a negative meaning to circumstances......you may be of assistance to others who may be caught up in their own definitions, and unable to see a way to break out of the situation...unable to understand that it is their own definitions that have made things seem iron clad, when in fact it is made of nothing but tissue paper definitions.
The song ‘I saw the sign’ was playing just a minute ago at this restaurant and made me reflect on how many signs I miss. When I was reading Doreen Virtue it said to look for feathers as signs and I rarely found them. Then my nephew who was maybe three would say look at that feather and they were everywhere. I just overlook the signs. I checked the contract cards to see if any cards were missing, but they are all there. Usually they are about $60 used. They arrived on Mothers Day.
OK, as it relates to being triggered, are you saying you missed the signs of the triggering person?
Just came on this in my files, may be helpful.
https://zingdad.com/blog/196-triggering ... o-about-it
Reading that, I'm recalling the times when I was triggered and quite certain the triggering person was The Problem.
I think, maybe, I've left that behind...

Enjoy your oracle cards. I like Tarot myself.

matcha
Posts: 504
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:42 am

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by matcha » Tue May 15, 2018 6:17 am

Alice wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 3:22 am
matcha wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:25 pm
Alice wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:40 am
The song ‘I saw the sign’ was playing just a minute ago at this restaurant and made me reflect on how many signs I miss. When I was reading Doreen Virtue it said to look for feathers as signs and I rarely found them. Then my nephew who was maybe three would say look at that feather and they were everywhere. I just overlook the signs. I checked the contract cards to see if any cards were missing, but they are all there. Usually they are about $60 used. They arrived on Mothers Day.
OK, as it relates to being triggered, are you saying you missed the signs of the triggering person?
Just came on this in my files, may be helpful.
https://zingdad.com/blog/196-triggering ... o-about-it
Reading that, I'm recalling the times when I was triggered and quite certain the triggering person was The Problem.
I think, maybe, I've left that behind...

Enjoy your oracle cards. I like Tarot myself.
I did see those signs but decided to ignore them. A lot can be said for trusting you intuition. A lot of people have stayed in abusive relationships because of writings like the one linked. Yes, a person was triggered for a personal reason, but when someone is purposely trying to trigger you with words or physical abuse the answer is not to ignore it. Throwing a temper tantrum and reacting to purposeful abuse are different things. Blaming the one triggered by abuse for the abuse hurts their self esteem. I was ashamed of my reaction and my writing I deleted it all. If someone hit you do you say sorry that hurt I don’t know why it hurt? Do you do shadow work with your body because it can feel pain?

I do not agree with that link completely. Yes there is a certain power to being able to learn from a trigger, but having a human reaction to verbal abuse is no different to having a reaction of pain. Abuse should not happen. This link is for triggers that have nothing to do with being singled out and put down.

The only reason I felt safe enough to open up this far is because certain people do not read this part of the forum. Let’s seem if I am treated well if I post on the main part?

That link convinced me to stop going though that very same process. No I learned nothing was wrong with me due to the trigger because there was nothing wrong with me to begin with. Am I supposed to say,’thank you for punching me? I learned so much?’ Why would verbal attacking be different? Than they use the spiritual teaching, ‘you only think I am attacking you because you need shadow work.’

Thank you for the closure. But that viewpoint of reality is not for me. Next thing you know people will be telling rape victims that it only hurts because they were triggered by the rape. That is not the society I want to live in.

So I am no longer sorry for leaving. We just don’t match on belief systems and that is okay. You find that link empowering so why should I discredit it. It just isn’t right for me. I realized I didn’t act like a child after all, but a reasonable adult. If someone abuses you and everyone ignores it. That is not the place for me. If further they imply it is your fault. That is not the place for me.

So I say I am not sorry. I learned to find a place in better harmony where I feel safe to open up. I do not feel safe here.

User avatar
Alice
Posts: 2167
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Alice » Tue May 15, 2018 8:19 am

I don't know if you read through the whole article but this is the conclusion:
In closing: I do not suggest that Triggered Individuals do not have a genuine grievance. I am not debating the issue that they feel causes the triggering. I am simply making my position clear: an emotional explosion is only productive if you are using it as a tool of manipulation. And if you don’t like being manipulated, you should not treat others this way. If you wish to affect change in a helpful and positive way, you will need to do so in a mature, adult fashion. You will need to outgrow your triggering.
Those words are for me, too. I can still get triggered also. It is just that my convictions from studying Bashar et al are leading me more in the
direction of getting centered and raising my consciousness up and out of the "hurt and unfairly treated" frequency.

You have received only helpful and supportive comments from people in this thread. No one is telling you your feelings are "your fault." If you don't feel safe here, that's a shame, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

User avatar
Alice
Posts: 2167
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I wanted to say...

Post by Alice » Wed May 16, 2018 2:06 am

The comments on that article are worth perusing. Here is one example which does clarify the question of whether to
cut people out of our lives.
gamergirl 2017-05-10 17:38
Hello Arn,

I have a question about "triggering" and removing the people that are ultimately some sort of trigger--

I would certainly call my ex a trigger (in many areas) but in a situation where they eventually become addicts and become a threat (whether intentional or not) to the children, especially when refusing to seek help or "change for anyone".... isn't it better to cut them out? My daughter had gotten to where she wouldn't even speak and since I have refused him access and we have worked on coping techniques on trauma, she's rarely quiet and is much happier.

Are there such things as ... co-dependent triggering events (for lack of a better word) and what do you do when your natural service to others instinct becomes a possible avenue for enabling others in their service to self mentality?

Thank you for your work. It answers questions when my... contacts... are preoccupied with missions OUT THERE.

Also, why is it so hard to conform to time here? I am having an extremely hard time with this. Are there any suggestions for those that simply do not wake up with any sort of alarm whatsoever?

Is there a discussion board anywhere that we can ask questions and appease our natural curiosites? :)
Zingdad 2017-05-10 19:49
Hi GG
I think the way you understand the "trigger" concept is a bit different from the way it's meant in this article?
But whatever the case, yes, for sure, STS types very often form co-dependent relationships with STO types. Read up about "Narcissistic personality disorder". Narcissists very often bond with (and feed on) those who are awaking via the STO path. See if that is not what you are dealing with?
First and foremost what you must do with such a person is get away from them. End the relationship. I am sorry but that's it. They don't change because they never believe there is anything wrong with them. And they will suck you dry otherwise.
Then, secondly, YOU change by moving on from STO to unity consciousness. That's how you heal yourself from finding yourself in such co-dependent situations again.
Time? It doesn't work for you because it is contrary to what is normal for you. Where you are "from" there is no time. Sequentiality, yes. But there "time" is fluid. It is only here in the 3rd density that everything else needs to conform to time.
I'm afraid I haven't inhabited a discussion board for many years now. I haven't the... erm... time. :-)
As it relates to your dilemma on this board matcha, there is certainly nothing stopping you from blocking anyone with whom you don't wish to engage.

OK, another comment, author's reply to a poster's question:
The bottom line for me, Jamie, is that some part of you is REALLY HURTING. So much so that it can only respond to certain situations by triggering you. When that happens that is that part of yourself trying to cause a change in circumstances so that you don't again experience whatever is triggering you. That is a manipulation from that part of yourself.

The only way to really heal this is to discover that part of yourself, discover what its pain is, and return it to wholeness within your soul.

I wish you strength and much self-love upon your journey to wholeness!

Post Reply