Tanfeliz wrote:Also, the idea that I should just be okay with it -- imagine you walk past a school, and there are very young children playing, unattended. They are oblivious to you. This happens to me often enough. Imagine you hear and feel the reaction of a child predator to the scene you are looking at. Yes, I get that he has different lifestyle choices than I do. I would like to be out of the loop on that. Wouldnt you? If you were in a grocery store to buy one item, and you see a certain woman. And just for example, you feel and hear the reaction of Ted Bundy or the Zodiac killer to her. Would you not be looking for the off switch? I can tell you I am exhausted, and I do not appreciate being slimed in this way.
I have not had the experiences you've had with this, so I don't know how it is. It doesn't sound fun.
Please know that you are really helping me with this a lot. You have literally picked up the thread where Bashar left it. Also as I told Alexa, it is a new and exciting thing for me to have people to discuss these things with. Absalom loved being alone with it. I do not believe he was as aware of the others, especially the worse ones. Like Joan of Arc, he did not have the questioning that I have. He feels this part of himself and knows that it is holy. It is a no-brainer for them to follow the voices. Whereas with me, it is more like a really wide-ranging kaleidoscope.
What I wanted from the session is unfolding on its own. As I was discussing with Alexa, the process is the point. And I think Bashar says that, now that I think about it. I had to consciously choose whether to be annoyed that there wouldnt be time in my session to answer all of my questions. (A little of my time appeared to get usurped in a way that I had to consciously think about the idea of being annoyed, when not accompanied by the physical feeling). I chose to know that it was perfect, and the information is coming to me through more appropriate means, a sharing with you. This is how they can respond to Alexas communications, for example. Alexa is not really isolated. If Absalom wasnt isolated, nobody is.
Also understand, Absalom got exactly what he wanted out of life, every single day, constantly. They didnt have the internet back then, know what I mean? Imagine being able to communicate directly with extraterrestrials in the Dark Ages. WTF?!? LOL He never had to toil in the hot sun. He copied his beloved texts, sitting down indoors, reveling in the communion of saints.
We now have an actual thing. He thinks I am an angel who sings to him. Absalom, so pure of heart, your faith has preserved me long after your death
. He is beginning to understand that he is himself a saint.
I woke up this morning with a deeper understanding, something that started out with The Right Use of Will
. It pulls together the Toltec and Mr. Orion. I had really not understood that the devil will never be sorry. Wow, Im so grateful to be able to spit that sentence out. You have no idea what a relief it is for me to be able to articulate that feeling.
The Toltec did the worst possible things with the best possible intentions. He drew upon the extreme discipline of Absaloms army of monks, though he had no conscious awareness of that. He drew from their grit, their lives of sacrifice. I suddenly see that he was actually a pivot or fulcrum between me and Mr. Orion, one of the main baton-passers. Actually he deserves for me to look his name up. Okay. Xyalatl. Bashar had to say it twice, and I initially tried to spell it without vowels for some reason. He said okay, you can omit the vowels if you want, or you can write them. His language does not actually apply or translate in this way, so suit yourself.
Anyway he was such a serious, serious guy. I dont think he ever smiled. A real warrior priest if ever there was. So when I saw his name written, it looked like Xylitol, an artificial sweetener. This made the Mayan mathematician, Kipu, crack up. That, in turn, made all of the Ghost Dancers roar with laughter, because he is one of their archetypal ancestors. He paves the way for them to throw down their lives to create a future for the Greys to bail to. It is kind of like if Jesus farted, for them, sort of. Xylitol is now his firehouse nickname, and I will never, ever call him that. That guy languished in so much hell, actually I am going to make water and other offerings to him going forward. Like when I take a glass of ice water, I share it with Xyalatl.
What I had not understood was, Mr. Orion is not sorry to this day, and he never will be. The Devil is his best friend, and hell doesnt bother him. If he were able to rape a 2 y/o, he would throw it into the fire afterwards like a cigarette butt. That would be after his bathroom and before breakfast. Putin has nothing on him. People can progress spiritually while in a negative orientation, which seems entirely counterintuitive to me. I believe Ayn Rand was such a being, an ancient-Orion negative-polarity entity, and my abuser as well.
So even now, yes, there are people who incarnated here specifically to pump negative energy into those with the negative polarity, because everybody gets to have what they want. I am grateful that they are splitting off now. I want them to have what they want. I just dont want it. I see how entirely possible that is. See? And by this conversation I am now feeling grateful to be able to assist the ascension in this way, now that the worst is over.
One other thing. I am working on doing the 13th step by way of The Story Tree
. This is about rewriting your past by shifting parallel realities. I asked him if I would eventually be able to shift all the way, to someone who always had loving parents and was never harmed. This was where it was all like BBs pinging off my tin-can head. But I did grasp that he said I am well underway in that process now, and that I have already forgotten several things. He said not to question this, not to backslide, just keep going as I have been. I am not sure I understand how I can keep the insights that I gained without having the experiences in the first place, if that is possible. He told me that is for me to work out.